she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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