dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
