office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
