I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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