the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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