i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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