I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
