Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
