oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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