at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
