Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
