But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
