the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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