matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
