As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
