Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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