You made me cry and you don't even care
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
