i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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