the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
