In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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