i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
