Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
