I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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