I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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