We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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