i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
