i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize