dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I want to be your penis for a week.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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