Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
do herpes really smell.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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