this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
