I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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