Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
