Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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