This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
