Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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