He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
