I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
