You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I intend to get homeless drunk
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
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She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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