i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
