Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
