It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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