There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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