is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
