Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
