i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
