Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
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No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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