omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
