i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
