Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
