What did we do last night that was yellow?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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