fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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