quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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