are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
even my farts smell like vagina
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
