he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
