Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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