What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
