Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
