the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
