so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
