so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
