he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
