Only a mothe r could love this liver
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
