They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
