May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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