The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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