Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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