i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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