I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
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