I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
