So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
