We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
