I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
