she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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