just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
