I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
