I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize