Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
