im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You dont lie about slip and slides
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
